Throughout my life my heart has been hardened, and in some areas it's still hard. God has been doing this marvelous process inside me of softening my heart little by little. Most of the things He changed in me were issues that I was TOTALLY unaware I needed changed. I was very judgmental, self righteous, considered myself in better standing with God because I didn't do the "bad things", hardened towards people that offended me, narrow minded & totally unloving & ungracious. I am not who I was, but I have a ways to go.
Lately I've been praying that God will do a work in my heart and soften it towards my children more. I love my babies ( Drew 6, Emma 3). I talk about them ALL the time. But I'm also comfortable around them, so much so I don't always think before I speak & in the stress that accompanies motherhood I can sometimes just react.
When I'm around my friends and family I'm super nice (well at least in think I am, lol...ok I try to be!), I never raise my voice, I always avoid conflict, I'm interested in what they are up to, I love them. Very rarely has any of them seen me "lose it." So why do I tend to be more rude to the people I'm closest with? Is it because I think they won't judge me? Or since they are family they aren't going anywhere? I know a lot of it is they are who I spend the majority of my time with, so naturally they will see me at my best & worst times....while friends & extended family only see glimpses.
Mothering is a joy, it really is, and a gift from God. But it's not for the faint of heart, it takes ALOT of work and even more help from God. I somehow along this journey of being a mom have had different hard spots creep up with my children. Like: not being as caring as I could be, truly listening to their stories, answering their questions or responding with kindness & calmness, and I want that to change. I know with God all things are possible and I've literally been praying everyday for Him to help me, to soften me, for the Holy Spirits help. After all patience, gentleness, kindness & love are all fruits, results, evidence of the Holy Spirit's power working in us-not our efforts. God is an expert in all the areas I need improvement in & He delights in saving and helping us grow...sometimes all we gotta do is ask.
I read this tonight: And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. Ezekiel 36:26
According to God, HE WILL give me a new heart and the process began when I saw Jesus as my Savior and continues even now, He's chiseling away the stone and creating me to be more tender, soft & responsive in all areas of my life. He's changing me to be like Him by His Spirit, by His power. I can see the change coming, and I will continue to pray and spend time with Him & listen to His voice before reacting. He ALWAYS listens to me, is kind & gentle to me, shouldn't I be the same with my children? I know with His help I can.