I wanted to share about an experience I had before Drew entered our family. I haven't really talked it about it much, but I was feeling led to today. It was Christmas 2006 and I suspected I was pregnant. I didn't take a test until we arrived in North Carolina to celebrate with my family. It was positive! We were so excited! We announced it to my family at all our gatherings, and to Andrew's family over the phone at their Christmas party. I emailed a few friends with our news and couldn't wait to start planning everything!
On the way home I started spotting and we found out a day later I had miscarried. I was absolutely devastated. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. I was so hurt and confused and couldn't believe this had happened. I had to tell everyone the news and had to listen to people talking about babies and always worried if I hadn't told someone and that possibly they would bring it up. It was awful and I would cry at anything, hardly anyone understood. Miscarrying was for sure the hardest thing I had ever faced. If you have had one, it is so important that you find someone to talk to, that has been through it and can encourage and pray for you.
I remember feeling particularly discouraged one day and talking to God. I said to him "I have no joy." He answered steadily "Your joy should be found in me. I am going to teach you about the Joy of the Lord, and you will see it be your strength." Of course I had NO IDEA what He was talking about, but I knew He was right, regardless of circumstance, my joy should be found in Him alone. Situations change, God doesn't. I decided to trust Him and from that moment on I was different. I was able to praise Him, even with what had happened. I didn't know if I would be able to have a child, but I knew that God had me, and that I would choose to trust Him when things didn't make sense. "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever more." Psalm 16:11
Of course, I was able to have kids, I got pregnant with Drew in March, but I had to fight that fear of losing the baby the whole time. Again I just had to put it in God's hands continually. As Drew got older I began seeing his little personality develop. He loved to laugh, he loved to be silly, he was very fun.
This picture is from Downtown Disney:
He was playing in the water jumping up from the ground, and he laughed and laughed and laughed. (I don't know why we went to Disney World, we could have just gone here all week!) I remember this moment because an older couple came up to us. The lady said "We have loved watching your son laugh, He is so full of JOY, enjoy him." And I realized at that moment, God did that for me. After I found my joy in Him alone, He gave me a gift of joy, my son Drew. God is full of grace and goodness, I am so thankful. And Drew is such a source of joy and laughter to us. We are so thankful for the 5 wonderful years we have had to enjoy him and look forward to many more.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DREW, Always full of life, always our little ham, always our little boy full of joy!